Ask any non-Hawaiian about the island of Moloka'i, and I guarantee you'll hear two words:
Never mind that most people don't even know the name of the place -- Kalaupapa -- or the fact that it's technically no longer even there, save for a few survivors who are too physically scarred to comfortably rejoin normal society. So they choose to remain there in a life of quiet, forgotten exile. Even though they really don't have any other alternatives.
That's how I'm feeling. Exiled. Physically scarred. Incapable of resuming normal life.
My once long, beautiful dark hair has been shorn down to a boyish length, as part of my punishment for punching Suzanne Calloway in the face. I ache inside whenever I miss feeling it on my pillow next to me, and the way it draped around my shoulders and blew in the warm tropical breeze out on the playground, all that was now gone. I still wake up every morning, and it takes a brief moment of shock before I remember it isn't there anymore, and why.
The other girls are somewhat frightened of me now, including my former friend Oliana, and rightfully so. They've started shunning me and will stop playing if it even looks like I'm going up to them, and they avoid answering back if I say anything to them. And not just because of what I did to Suzanne. The other day I did something else to make them all hate me. I'll get to that.
To be honest I don't even know why I'm still telling you all this. It's obvious you're turned on and you just want to jack yourselves off while you imagine all the humiliating things I've suffered. Bunch of fucking perverts. But I've got to talk to someone, and you're the only ones who listen.
Anyway, since the fighting incident I'd been pretty much isolated from the rest of the girls at the orphanage. While Sister Ulalia clanged her morning bell to wake the girls on the upper floor dormitories, Sister Bernadette would come to my room, turn on the lights and lift the shades while I lay in my padded playpen covered by my blanky... Long story, I'd acted like a baby so now they were treating me like one. Plus it was the only spare bed they had for me. The Sisters were clearly growing tired of my presence at Saint Sebastian's, and I could tell they were praying for my parents to finally come back.
As another part of my punishment, twice every day before I'm allowed to have breakfast or dinner, I have to do the Stations of the Cross. In case you don't know what that is, Sister Ulalia explained it to me. It's the story of the crucifixion of Jesus, broken into fourteen parts and posted around the walls. I have to go through each one in order and read about the Station and say some prayer. Jesus picks up the cross, Jesus falls down, Jesus falls down again. All it ever does is remind me of my own suffering.
This is in the orphanage chapel where the Sisters go to pray. It's always semi-dark, with candles shining on stained-glass windows, and there was always a Sister keeping vigil there, watching me to make sure I did it properly. They all took turns, and I knew some of them were irritable at being late to meals because of it.
They were forcing me to read the Bible a lot too, and I'm not even a Christian. Most recently they had me on the Book of Job, rhymes with "robe". It's about this guy, and God basically kills his whole family and takes away everything he has, then inflicts him with some terrible disease, all to see if the guy would still worship him. It's the most horrible story you could ever imagine, and Sister Ulalia sat with me in my room and made me read every word of it aloud.
The other horrible thing I had to read out loud was my punishment essay. You know, the one saying I was sorry for hitting Suzanne. Just imagine, trying to stretch that out into a thousand fucking words, and they wouldn't even let me mention any of the awful things that little cunt bitch had done to ME! In addition to the Stations and Bible I got assigned "writing time" every day, and the Sisters checked that I was actually doing it, sometimes making suggestions, slowly coercing the long-winded apology out of me.
Once it had their final approval, I had to stand in front of the entire classroom full of girls, with Sisters Ulalia and Bernadette watching, and read the whole thing, all six pages of it. I was in tears by the end, barely able to get the words out, and Suzanne sat there the whole time with a simpering smirk on her smug fucking haole face. She still had a purplish discolored mark on her lower lip where my fist had nailed her.
Suzanne herself isn't saying much to me these days. She doesn't torment me outright or call me "Scrawny Kay-Lawny" anymore, probably because she's still about half scared I'll go off on her again. Suzanne is a coward at heart. But she's gotten a lot more passive-aggressive, and still manages to get in a dig every now and then. Like the other day at lunch, one of the Sisters brought her something and she read it aloud to her best friend.
"Looky here, Makala... Ah got me a post-card from MAH PARENTS," and she said the last two words much louder and aimed squarely at the table where I sat alone. "Yep, they reckon they'll be over 'n' done with their VAY-KAY-SHUN perty soon, 'n' after that Ah'm gonna git ta GO HOME."
I, on the other hand, didn't appear to be going anywhere. The Sisters had a planned park outing for one day soon, once the rain let up, but Sister Bernadette specifically told me I wouldn't be joining them, I'd misbehaved and caused too much trouble the last time. This despite the fact that their own religion preaches forgiveness! Bunch of fucking hypocrites.
That's probably why I did what I did about a week later. That day the priest came by Saint Sebastian's to hear the Sisters' confessions, and he was still there when I went to the chapel for Stations. I didn't know his name, but I'd seen him before. He came by about once a month, and the Sisters would make me "confess my sins" too, sit and tell this guy every little thing I'd done wrong. I pretty much just made stuff up, saying what I thought he expected to hear, figuring the Sisters had already told him what "sins" they felt I should be confessing.
When I was done with that, the current Sister on "Keilani watch" went into the confessional after instructing me to sit there and wait for her. I was bored sick with the chapel, and looking around, I noticed that one of the windows was tilted open a bit. It was a warm, rainless day and the chapel doesn't have adequate air conditioning, so they must have opened it to let some of the tropical breeze in.
I went to the window, taking a rare glimpse at the outside world, and I saw it: The priest's car was in the circular driveway, and beyond it, the main gate was still open!
I could scarcely breathe. Did I dare try to escape the orphanage? I knew I'd be punished, probably another spanking with Sister Bernadette's switch, if I tried and got caught, but I also knew I'd likely never get another opportunity like this. The Sisters rarely left me alone anymore.
So I went for it. Out the chapel, down the hallway, to the main entrance. The front desk was unoccupied, it was just after noon and everybody was at lunch. When I saw this I BOLTED, slamming the front door open and hurtling down the steps and driveway as fast as my short, skinny little legs could carry me. The blood was pounding so loud in my head I couldn't tell if anyone had noticed and yelled after me, but I didn't dare turn to look back. I didn't even care that I was wearing the too-short pleated skirt that flashed my embarrassing, childish underpants to the world. I just fucking RAN, full speed, and didn't stop for six whole blocks.
With my lungs screaming I collapsed onto a sidewalk bench, clutching my chest. Christ, I was out of shape. Losing my recess privileges meant I didn't have any chance to exercise. Akela and Naia and I used to go jogging together sometimes, but that was months ago and we never pushed ourselves this hard. The sweat was pouring down my face.
Slowly I calmed down, got my breath back and saw that no one had followed me. But it was only a matter of time before they discovered I was gone. They'd probably already noticed I was missing from the chapel, I mean how long can it take a fucking nun to do a confession? I figured they'd probably search the orphanage grounds for me first, then see the open gate and guess that I'd fled through it. That bought me some time, but not much.
I had a chance to reclaim my life here. The first thing I had to do was get rid of these childish schoolgirl clothes. Back to my house. I knew that was the first place they'd come looking for me, so I had to be fast.
I forced myself to run at full speed again, trying to ignore the burning agony in my chest. Every street I went down, I was afraid the white Saint Sebastian's bus would appear, but it didn't. I staggered into my driveway and practically broke out sobbing with relief.
I knew my I.D. wasn't in the house, but my adult clothes were. That would be a start.
Front door was locked.
...NOT under the potted palm!
Kokami! I swore aloud. Where had it gone?!
Then I remembered. Akela and Naia took it when they stopped here to get some of my clothes before trying to spring me from Saint Seb's. I cringed anew at the awful memories from that day.
I forced myself to think, there had to be another way. None of the neighbors had clothes hanging outside that I could borrow. And I didn't want to spend too much time looking, the Sisters might show up at any minute. I thought about breaking a window, but was afraid someone would see or hear, and call the police. The last thing I wanted was to get dragged off to the police station... again.
Then I remembered the bag of clothes I'd packed the day Sister Ulalia brought me here. I'd left it under the shed when she'd dragged me out after I tried to make an escape. I went around to the backyard and bent under to pull it out (in the process flashing my panties, if anyone had been watching).
It was still there, but... Kanapapiki! The bag must have gotten ripped open by a loose nail when I'd shoved it under there. All the recent rain had made the ground damp, and the exposed fabric had soaked it up, leaving everything soggy and unwearable. Fucking perfect. What now?! It would take too long for them to air-dry, and I didn't have any money for the laundromat. I'd have to get inside the house if I wanted dry clothes.
My two so-called "friends" were at U of H, clear on the other side of the island. But their place was in Kāne'ohe, I could go there and wait outside for them, then get my key back. I'd be safe there, the Sisters didn't know where Akela and Naia lived.
But at the end of our driveway I stopped, noticing the coconut-shaped mailbox on its wooden post. It was jammed full to overflowing, since I hadn't been around to collect the mail. Flipping through a handful, my blood ran cold as envelopes with scary red lettering jumped out at me:
"Collection Agency Notified."
The electricity and phone bills hadn't been paid in months. Same with the mortgage and car payments. Jesus Motherfucking Christ, we could lose the house! My parents could come back from vacation with no place to live, all because of me!
Toward the bottom of the stack was a postcard, in Mom's handwriting:
"Aloha, Keilani! Our trip has been great, the rest of America is so big! We have hundreds of pictures to show you from San Francisco, Hollywood, and the Grand Canyon. Your father hit the jackpot in Las Vegas, so we're extending our trip a couple of months. We figured you'd appreciate having the house to yourself. Keep trying to call, but for some reason our phone hasn't been working here. We miss you, but we know you're a big girl now and can take care of yourself. Good luck in school. (Hope you remembered to enroll!) Give our love to Akela and Naia. Enjoy your long vacation away from us. Aloha au ia `oe. A hui hou kakou."
Signed, "Makuahine and Makuakane". Mom and Dad.
I knew the real reason their phone wasn't working -- because I hadn't paid the bills! That was why I hadn't been able to contact them all this time! It took everything I had to fight back bawling right there. God what a fucking nightmare this had become!
Crying was for babies, though. I forced myself to calm down, reminded myself that I was an adult. I could still fix this. I knew there was money in my parents' bank account, I just had to get it to the right people. But to do that I absolutely HAD to get my old life back!
Akela and Naia wouldn't be done with classes until later and I couldn't wait that long. The only other thing closeby was... my old job.
The crappy touristy luau bar where I'd worked before this whole mess began. They had the traditional Hawaiian hula outfits there, or one of the other girls might loan me something more adult to wear. It was a long shot, but it was all I could think of.
I gathered up the most urgent-looking bills and tucked them into the front of my blouse, then turned and followed the street that led to the ocean, my saddle shoes sinking into the warm sand. It was a pain to walk, but the beach was the only place where the Sisters couldn't spot me while driving by.
I closed my eyes briefly and took it all in, feeling the ocean breeze and light spray on my skin, smelling the salt sea air that still carried a tinge of the recent rain, hearing the gentle shush of the surf. I'd missed it so much during all those lonely mehameha nights locked away in Saint Sebastian's, but now I couldn't enjoy it, I had too much weighing on my mind.
This stretch of sand, I realized, was the same area where I'd first been picked up by Officer Janene, that policewoman who found me naked after I'd been fired and forced to give up my work uniform. That asshole manager at the bar had put me in that situation, and the one I was in now, and I had more than a few fucking choice words to say to him!
A couple of tourist boys in swim trunks approached me, they were about my age. *Sigh*, no, not my REAL age, dammit, the age I LOOKED. One stayed a short distance away while the other came right up to me, his eyes gleaming with suppressed mirth.
"Hi," he said, but I didn't answer. He followed me along the beach for a bit, asking stupid questions. What's my name, did I live here, they were on vacation here, did I want to play with them. I continued to ignore him, keeping my gaze fixed firmly ahead, up the shoreline.
Then suddenly he just blurted out, "Your undies have flowers!" before scurrying back to his friend. It was loud enough that everyone nearby had to have heard it. The two of them collapsed onto the sand and rolled around, giggling.
"I said it to her!" he managed to gasp to his friend through the laughter. "Now you owe me a shaved ice!"
Damn kids. I've never liked kids much. Undoubtedly those two believed I was their age, and were just teasing a girl the way little boys do.
They were right though, the breeze blowing off the surf would lift the skirt's hem and flash everyone behind or to the side of me. I was so focused on getting to my destination I'd forgotten about it, but this incident made me fully aware.
Irritated, I tugged the back of my skirt down with one hand, holding it as best I could to hide my stupid underwear, my face flushing. Every time I heard laughter from the other beachgoers I assumed it was directed at me, the silly little girl in a school uniform, her skirt too short, marching with determined intent up the beach. By the time I got to the luau my feet hurt, and my shoes and socks were filled with sand.
The bar wasn't open yet, it was still too early. I knocked anyway, and a tall, darkly tanned girl opened the door. She looked surprised to see me there, but bent forward a bit, hands on her knees, so she could talk eye-to-eye. With the "child".
"Aloha, kaipo?" Sweetheart, she called me. "Can I help you with something?"
"Um, yeah..." I'd sort of planned on confronting the boss directly. I hadn't expected anyone else to be here. "Is Mr Keawe, the manager, in yet? I need to talk to him. See, I used to work here--"
The tall girl got an amused look on her face as she answered, "YOU used to work here? Come on, you're like ten?"
Shit. Why hadn't I come up with a better-sounding story? God I wanted a drink, but I knew they'd never serve me in a million years.
Seeing my expression, she softened a bit. "Just a minute, I'll get him." She turned and called into the back. "Hey, boss-man? I think your kid's here to see you?" Then to me, "Gotta wait out here, no one under 21's allowed inside."
Of course. She went back in, and I sat and fidgeted on the wooden steps until I heard the door open again. Dreading this conversation, I turned to face my ex-boss.
"What do you want, kid? I'm busy."
I stood up. "Mr Keawe... Don't you recognize me? It's me, Keilani. Keilani Akana. I used to work here, remember? You... um, fired me..." This wasn't off to a good start.
He studied my face, and I saw the light come on. "Oh yeah, I remember you, how could I forget. What do you want?" He seemed to notice my schoolgirl clothes for the first time. "And why are you dressed like that?" This from the asshole who sent me home fucking NAKED.
I sighed. "It's a really long story. Look, can I just borrow one of the uniforms to wear, just for a little while? After last time I think you owe me."
"I owe you?" His eyes narrowed a bit. "Have you forgotten how you acted that night you quit?"
"Quit?! I didn't fucking quit, you fucking FIRED me! Not to mention throwing me out with nothing to wear!"
"That was your choice, as I recall. When you couldn't stop giving me lip." This was getting me absolutely nowhere.
It just about killed me to do it, but I swallowed my pride. There wasn't much left of it anyway. "Look, okay, I totally understand why you fired me, but I was really hoping... Is there any chance I could have my job back? I'll start today, right now. Please, ke `olu`olu, it would mean so much to me if you would just--"
He cut me off. "Keilani. I fired you for a reason. Remember that guy you yelled at and dumped the drink on? Well, he complained to his cruise agency, and they pulled this place off the route because of what you did. You cost me a lot of business, Akana."
I noticed the other girls were peering out through the windows, wanting to find out what was happening. And some of them didn't look happy at all to see me back.
"Well... then let me make it up to you!" I was getting desperate, I HAD to get my old life back! "I'll work for free, as long as it takes. I'll clean up fucking tourist puke, ANYTHING!"
But he just shook his head. "You're too late. Even if I wanted you back, I've already hired someone else. Now get out of here."
"Can I at least come in and use the phone?" I thought I might be able to reach Akela on her cell.
"No, you've gotta be twenty-one."
"I AM! I used to work here for fucksake!"
"Well you look ten, dressed like that. And I don't want somebody coming by and seeing you in here, and complaining to the liquor board. You've already caused me enough trouble."
The girls started turning away from the window. I heard some of them mutter agreement:
"Yeah, you tell it to her, boss-man!"
"Little bitch got what she deserved!"
And I distinctly heard one say, "God, what did she do to her hair?"
NOW what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn't go home, and there was no easy way for me to get to the other side of the island. Even if I walked to the airport and got my parents' car, I couldn't drive. Any cop who saw me behind the wheel would instantly pull me over. Sister Ulalia had taken my license when Akela and Naia brought it, believing it to be a fake. Hell, I had no idea what time my former friends even got out of class! I could end up waiting at their place for hours while they went out partying or whatever they did after classes these days. They had no idea I needed to see them now!
Feeling totally overwhelmed by the hopelessness of my situation, I buried my head between my knees and started to cry. God I was so pathetic, a helpless little girl who couldn't survive in the big, scary world without her mommy and daddy!
My pitiful sobbing must have carried inside, because after a few minutes the tall girl who initially greeted me opened the door and came out and knelt beside me. "Hey, don't cry, sweetheart." And she gave me one of the cloths they use to wipe the bar so I could dry my eyes. "What's the matter?"
In between choked sobs, I explained the basics of the situation: I was all alone, the only people who could help me were at U of H, and I had no way to get there.
"Well I have classes there too, how about I give you a ride? I'm Halia, by the way?" She offered her hand.
I shook it, then wiped my nose and sniffled. She pulled me up and led me over to her car. And opened the fucking BACK door.
"I can ride up front!" I complained.
"Look, I admit I don't know much about kids? But I do know if you're under a certain age, you have to ride in back?" I noticed she had the annoying habit of saying almost everything like it was a question.
"But I'm twen-- Twelve!" There was no point in trying to convince her of my real age.
"I'd just rather be safe, okay? I think there are laws or something?"
Fine, if it meant getting out of here and over to Akela and Naia faster. I climbed into the passenger side and buckled my seatbelt, and pouted. Who the hell was this Halia girl? I'd recognized all my former co-workers at the bar, but I'd never seen her before. Then it suddenly dawned on me, Halia was my replacement! Mr Keawe must have hired her after kicking me out! My face flushed anew as I recalled the memory of that night.
"So... how long have you been working there?" I dared myself to ask.
She answered, "Uh... A few months now, I think?"
Dreading the answer, I pressed harder. "And, um, how did you get this job? I mean, did one of your friends recommend you, or what?"
"What, you wanna work here when you're older?" Her expression said she thought this little girl's career choice was cute.
I sighed. "Yeah, something like that. So how did you?"
"Oh," she said, and I saw her roll her eyes in the rearview mirror. "Well, Mr Keawe knows my uncle? And he told him he was looking for someone to replace this one girl? She was like really rude to this rich tourist malihini? And he complains and she ends up getting fired?" I winced as she went on. "The other girls said she didn't bring a change of clothes that day? And boss-man wants his uniform back? So he sends her home NAKED! Can you believe that?" She laughed. "I don't know if it's true though?"
That was more than enough. Silently, I faced the window and tried to watch the island scenery for the rest of the ride, but ended up turning my situation over and over in my mind, thinking of what would happen if I didn't get everything fixed today, and growing more and more anxious.
Finally, after an intolerably long ride, we pulled into the U of H parking lot.
"You sure you'll be okay?" Halia asked me, genuine concern in her voice.
"YES!" I snapped at her. I couldn't help it, I resented her for taking my job and laughing at my misfortune, even though she didn't know she'd done any of that.
She gave me a wounded look, wondering what brought that little outburst. "Well, I guess... malama pono, then?" Take care. She gathered her bookbag and headed off without another word to me. I felt kind of bad, but I had more important things to worry about.
I couldn't believe how long it had been since I'd last set foot on the University of Hawaii campus. Back then I'd felt so grown-up, taking college classes and easing into my adult life. Now I was agonizingly aware of eyes turning in my direction as I strode purposely across the campus. The coos of college girls, "Awww! Look at that little girl! Hi, cutie-pie!" I overheard one pair whisper that my underwear was showing. And a few guys pointed me out to their buddies for some reason, and one of them called out to me across the quad, asking whether I was an adult. I couldn't figure out why.
One girl approached me to ask, "Are you lost, ku`uipo?" But I swept past without acknowledging her. I knew where I was going, the registrar's office. I'd had five semesters here, I knew where it was, and I wound my way through the velvet-rope dividers forming a path up to an office area with a window. I had to stand on tiptoe to get my chin above the high counter.
"Kala mai ia`u...", I said to get someone to notice me. "Excuse me?"
"Can I help you, sweetie?" It was an older lady with graying hair.
"Yes, I'm trying to find... my friends, what class they have now. It's very important." I gave them Akela and Naia's info.
After working on her computer a bit, she produced a printout. Then took forever to explain in excruciating detail where the classroom was, talking slowly so I'd understand it. Finally she sent me on my way with a fond smile.
It occurred to me that normally these people wouldn't just give out students' class schedules like this, for safety reasons. But because I looked so harmlessly, even helplessly young, they'd made an exception. For once the age regression had worked to my advantage. It was about fucking time something went right.
Peering through a small window in the door, I saw Akela and Naia seated together at the back of the classroom. My two friends and I had agreed to take as many classes together as possible, even after we figured out our majors. Apparently they were still able to sign up for at least this one together. Akela's dyed red hair was easy to spot, and Naia's symbol-tanned skin next to it. They stood out in what appeared to be an older crowd, mid-20s and even a few older couples, with a number of women who were obviously pregnant. Probably around eighty people total, in a small auditorium with several rows of seats in a half-circle facing a chalkboard and projector at the front.
There was no sign of Kahoku, the indescribably hot guy I had a crush on. At least he wouldn't see me in this getup again!
I took a deep nervous breath, and knocked. The whole class looked up, and a male professor's voice cut off mid-sentence. A moment later the door opened and he stood there, a tall, slightly balding man, about 50, with glasses and a beard, dressed sharply in a sportcoat and tie.
"Yes? May I help you, little miss?"
I didn't much care for that moniker but I let it slide. "Yes, I need to speak with my friends, Akela Kamahine and Naia I'aukea, please." I stood up my straightest and spoke in my most adult voice, in an effort to counteract the schoolgirl uniform. "It'll just take a moment."
"I'm afraid we're in the middle of a lecture right now." He looked displeased.
"Please," I begged, "It's an emergency!"
He sighed, mildly annoyed, but turned, leaving me framed in the doorway, to call Akela and Naia down. The other students' amused eyes peered directly at me. Again, a couple of guys in the top row pointed in my direction and and whispered to each other. Self-consciously, I tugged the hem of my skirt down, fully aware of how I looked. I prayed there was no one else in the class who would recognize me.
Akela and Naia got up from their seats and came down to the door, with open-mouthed expressions. They looked stunned, but not entirely pleased, to see me.
"'Lani?! What are you doing here?"
"And dressed like THAT!"
"Take it outside, please," chided the professor.
"You cut your HAIR!" Naia gasped as he closed the door behind us. She reached out as if to touch it where it once was.
"No, I DIDN'T!" I batted her hand away and stamped my little foot angrily. "Sister Bernadette did! After you two ruined EVERYTHING! `Ilio wahine!!" *Sigh*, I hadn't really planned to lay into them like that. If only Naia hadn't immediately made the hair comment!
"What do you mean, ruined everything?" Akela demanded, overlooking my Hawaiian insult. "We were just doing what you asked us to, 'Lani!"
"You did NOT!" I insisted. "You got me in trouble with Sister, and you made fun of me and took pictures, and you fucking brought Kahoku along to see the WHOLE THING!!" I struggled to fight back angry tears. "And Suzanne Calloway was SO MEAN to me and you just WENT ALONG WITH IT!!"
Abruptly the door opened again, before my friends could reply. It was the professor, and he did not look happy. "Either go somewhere else and talk quietly, or come back to class," he said, addressing my friends but not me. "You're a distraction."
Akela turned to go back inside. "Just wait out here. We'll talk after class, 'Lani."
"NOOOO, don't leave meeee!" I cried.
A pair of students passing by whispered, "Aww, poor baby!"
The professor rolled his eyes, but acquiesced. "Very well, but please keep her quiet," he said to Akela. "This is a place of learning."
I followed my two "friends" up to their seats, in the second row from the back. The classroom was full so Akela pointed to a spot on the floor.
"Now just sit quietly, 'Lani," she told me, "and behave yourself. We'll talk after class is done."
That's right, my friends, MY age, were lecturing ME on not causing trouble. I mean, sure, I was technically the youngest between them, but only by a couple of months. And I was definitely the most mature! Or... at least, I used to be. I fumed silently at the indignity of the whole situation.
The professor continued his lecture, occasionally gesturing at the projector screen with a long wooden pointer. The topic was on different child-rearing methods, and I quickly realized this was an introductory parenting class, hence all the couples and expectant mothers. Akela and Naia must have taken it as one of their electives... or were they thinking about having kids already? Did they have guys in their lives now? And if so, were things getting that serious? Hell, I didn't know! I'd been cut off from them for months!
I tried to focus on the lesson but couldn't. Time seemed to drag on endlessly. All I could think about was the mountain of overdue bills and what would happen to my family if we lost the house, what my parents would say. God, they'd never trust me with anything ever again!
I couldn't sit still, and I started to fidget and squirm. I HAD to get out of here and actually DO something to clean up the huge mess I'd inadvertently made. Maybe if I went to the bank and pleaded with them they'd let me have some money out of my parents' account. Anything was better than sitting here listening to this guy yack.
Except I still needed someone to take me there.
"Akela..." I whispered. She didn't respond. I got to my feet and leaned over as close to her as I could. "Akelaaaa!" More insistently this time. "I need to talk to you nowwww!"
"SHH!" whispered the girl in the aisle seat, who was trying to concentrate.
"Yeah, shut up you little brat," muttered a guy in the row behind me. Some parent he'd be, I thought.
Akela turned, irritated by my interruption, a finger to her lips. Kulikuli, she admonished, quietly shushing me.
Naia waved at me and whispered, "Hiiii, 'Lani!" as if I were a baby.
"So," came the professor's voice right next to me, making me jump. "Your name is Lani, is it?"
I looked up at him, glaring down with disapproval. I didn't want to tell my full name in case anyone else here knew me, so I just nodded.
"Well, Lani, I'm Professor Kalakona. And this is my class, and right now you are disrupting it."
"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly. "I'll be good, I promise."
Professor Kalakona shook his head. "I wish I could believe that," he said, "but you've already been warned multiple times."
And with that he took me firmly by the wrist and led me down the steps. At first I thought he was just going to send me back outside to wait, but instead he pulled me to the desk at the front of the classroom, in front of everyone.
"Now then. Seeing that our current subject is the appropriate discipline of a misbehaving child... I believe it will be helpful to present a real-life demonstration."
My stomach lurched in horror. He couldn't mean...!
Professor Kalakona sat on the edge of the desk and lifted my struggling form over his knee. I wriggled about, trying to get away, but he pulled both of my arms behind my back. Just one of his hands was big enough to wrap around both my wrists, holding them in place, which left him with one free...
"Nooo!" I whined in protest. "You can't DO this!"
"Oh, I assure you, I can teach however I please, little miss." he retorted. "I have tenure."
As the class chuckled at this remark, the Professor brought his hand swiftly down on my rear with a SWAT. Then another, and another. I felt the impact of his meaty palm through the fabric, and I was fully aware my too-short skirt was giving the entire class an unobstructed view of my flowery little-girl underpants!
"Observe how I am merely establishing dominance," Professor Kalakona said. Oh, God, he was instructing the class as he spanked me! "The important thing is to remain in control when you punish your child. Never let it escalate into a shouting match. Notice how I remain calm, whereas she is not."
Holy HELL was he ever right about that. My little legs were kicking madly as I wailed up a storm, my face fiery red.
His hand struck my panty-clad rear again. "Never too hard. It's more to put her in her place than to hurt her."
It was more than hard enough for ME! Or maybe it just the humiliation of being treated like this in front of a group of people I should have been going to college with! As I squeezed my eyes shut and the tears and sobs flowed, I prayed no one else who went to this school would recognize me.
I have no idea how long it went on, probably only a half-dozen swats, but it felt like an eternity. Finally I quieted down, and Professor Kalakona lifted me off his lap, tilted his head to look into my averted face, and asked simply, "Are we done?"
I stammered out a piteous compliance.
"And we're done," he announced to the class. "The child is once again obedient, and will remember this experience before misbehaving again."
He was right. I was ready to sit down and be a good little girl for the rest of the lesson, but then I sensed someone else had come to the front of the class. Two someones. "It's okay, Professor, we'll take her." In my post-tantrum state, Akela's voice barely registered.
"THANK you," he said, with deliberately exaggerated relief.
Akela and Naia led me, sniffling, toward the classroom door, my head turned downward.
"I've told you a million, billion times!" a mocking male voice suddenly called out from the back of the room. "I AM AN ADULT!!" I'm pretty sure it was the same dickhead who called me a little brat before.
And with that the whole class erupted into laughter, and just then I knew, I fucking KNEW, why so many people had been pointing at me and whispering as I'd made my way across the campus. On that awful day on the playground, when Akela and Naia came by, those were the exact words I'd screamed at Sister Ulalia. Which Akela had recorded on her cell phone! And had evidently circulated around the entire U of H campus!
My face burned from the degradation, bright red and tear-streaked. I forced myself not to look back, dreading the sea of camera phones that were almost certainly pointed in my direction at this very moment. I overheard the asshole chortling to his friends. "I knew it was her, I totally knew it!"
"'Lani, what the hell's the matter with you?" Akela asked me as we stepped back out onto the sun-dappled quad. "Why can't you just behave?"
"BEHAVE?!?" My rage overcame my shame enough for me to lash out at her again. "For your information, `ILIO WAHINE, I have been treated like a fucking CHILD for the past FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!"
(I was calling her a bitch, in case you wondered.)
Akela refused to shout back. God, she was acting so much more mature than I was. She'd definitely learned something from that class. "Well maybe the reason everyone's treating you like a child is because you act like one!"
"I am an ADULT!!" a guy passing by called out. All his friends found it hysterical, and they fucking stopped to watch! Out of the corner of my eye, I saw more people going for their phones.
Ignoring them, I stuck with Akela. "When?!" I demanded. "When did I ever act that way?" I knew it was a ridiculous question but after everything that had gone wrong today I was feeling so confrontational, I just wanted to argue with her.
"Oh, I don't know..." Her voice carried a sarcastic tone. "Maybe right now? Maybe that time at the beach? Or what about on the kahua pa`ani? You PUNCHED that poor haole girl, 'Lani! We SAW you!"
Okay, she definitely had me there. But STILL!
"All right LISTEN TO ME!" I yelled (eliciting a chorus of "Ooooh!" from the gaping onlookers). "Every fucking time I've ACTED like a child, it's because everyone fucking TREATS me like one! They just talk down to me and baby me until I can't fucking TAKE it anymore! Don't you fucking start it too!!"
Through all this, Naia stood with both hands over her mouth, eyes wide. I couldn't tell if it was tense apprehension at the drama unfolding in front of her, or if she was trying to hold back laughter. It's hard to tell with Naia sometimes, she's such a lolo. I hoped it wasn't laughter, there was plenty of that from the crowd that was slowly gathering around us.
Akela decided to do the grown-up thing and defuse the situation. "Come on, 'Lani, let's just get in the car." She took me by the shoulders and steered me through the crowd, away from the public spectacle I'd created. A few stragglers followed us into the parking lot, camera phones still pointed at me.
God, my college life was OVER! Before this I could have still slipped back into my previous life, no one would have ever had to know about Saint Sebastian's and "Scrawny Kay-Lawny" and the stupid smiling flowers. But thanks to all these videos, I knew I'd never be able to bring myself to show my face around the U of H campus ever again! I'm sure by now you've probably seen them on YouTube. I'd become a living, breathing, walking JOKE!
Naia opened the rear passenger door for me. "Little girls have to sit in the back," she teased.
I glared at her, but climbed in. What the hell else could I do? I had no other way back to the far side of the island. I crossed my arms in the back seat and pouted in barely controlled frustration.
Now if you're thinking Naia was just being mean to me for no reason, I should explain that we used to rib each other like this all the time. Hell, I used to get in plenty of jabs right back at her. But after everything I'd been through, up to and including that day, there just wasn't anything funny about it anymore. Why the hell couldn't they realize that?!
Akela turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. "So where do you want to go, 'Lani?" she asked me.
Good, now we were getting somewhere. "The bank," I told her. Once I got some money, they could take me around to pay the outstanding bills in cash. Then I had another thought. "Except first can we go back to your place? I need to borrow a change of clothes."
"Aww, but you look so cuuuuute!"
"Naia, I swear to GOD..." I was getting so sick of this!
"Okay, but I think our clothes are a bit too bi--..." Seeing my experssion, Akela cut herself off, then finished with, "We'll find something that'll fit you."
"The stuff from her house should still be there." It was the first thing I'd heard out of Naia all day that didn't make me want to scream.
"Good," I said. Then remembered. "Oh, and after I get changed we need to find Kahoku, I've got to talk to him and explain all this."
My two friends exchanged uncomfortable glances in the front seats.
"Um... Keilani?" said Akela, treading carefully. "I'm... not so sure that's such a good idea..."
"Why not?!" I demanded.
She turned around in her seat, studying me to see if I could handle it. "Well, the truth is, Kahoku is... seeing someone else."
"WHAT?!" I couldn't believe this. "WHO?!"
Akela hesitated, wincing. "Well... you're probably gonna hate me for this, but... Kahoku asked me about you one day, it was after the whole thing at that orphanage... and we got to talking, I mean really talking, and..."
Unable to contain her excitement, Naia finished. "Akela and Kahoku are going out!"
"You STOLE my BOYFRIEND?!" I shrieked.
Akela suddenly got defensive. "Okay, first off? He was NEVER your boyfriend. You talked to him maybe three times. And second? You were never AROUND! He assumed you weren't interested, but then he saw you with those nuns, and it was so weird, and he wanted to know you were okay, so he asked me. And... we just sort of hit it off." A tinge of guilt crept into her voice. "Please don't be too mad, okay?"
"Stop the car!" I demanded, pounding on the back of her seat. "Stop the fucking car NNNNOOOOWWWWW!!"
"Careful, 'Lani," Naia teased, "or you'll get another spanking!" I fucking came THIS-CLOSE to punching her. I think it was only the fallout from last time, from Suzanne Calloway, that stayed my hand.
Akela complied, and I climbed out. "'Lani, WAIT!" she called after me. "We're sorry, okay? We just... we don't know how to handle you anymore, yeah? You been acting so weird lately! C'mon, get back in, okay? We can talk about this like adults."
"Yeah, I was just funnin', 'Lani," added Naia, for once looking genuinely serious. "Please don't go!"
But by this point I didn't want anything to do with either of them. I slammed the car door and stomped up the sidewalk, passing a pair of middle-aged women who chose that moment to open their mouths.
"*Tsk* Look at them, letting her wander around on her own like that!"
"I know! She's a child, shouldn't she be in school?"
"And look, her underwear is showing! I swear, the way little girls dress these days..."
"HEY!" I snapped at them. "It's RUDE to talk about people like that! And for your information, I am TWENTY-ONE!"
And once again I was reminded of my current state of dress, and the impact it had on my perceived age. I'd made no progress at all.
I stomped by them, down a short alley between buildings. It was narrow enough that Akela and Naia couldn't follow in the car. They made no effort to get out and come after me, they must have seen that trying to drag me back would only result in another kicking and screaming fit. It wasn't until later that I realized I'd blown my chance to get my house key back from them, but I was so angry that I didn't think about it at the time.
On the next street over, I passed a small hale ku`ai, a clothing boutique. And, aiā, AIĀ... I am SO ashamed of what I did next! You have to believe me, I would NEVER have imagined myself capable of this, but I was so desperate, I just HAD to get back to my normal life any way I could! And it all came down to needing something to wear!
The sales clerk looked at me a bit strangely when I went inside, and asked if she could help.
"I'm just looking, thanks," I managed to get out. I silently hoped none of the raw emotion over Akela and Naia was still visibly lingering.
I browsed around the store a little, putting together an outfit in my size. I passed on the traditional, age-anonymous Hawaiian garb, opting instead for a button-down top and a matching jacket and slacks set that would give me a practical, distinctly adult look. Added a pair of heels that would enhance the effect. A bra, an actual bra, albeit an A-cup. Pantyhose, form-fitting and semi-sheer. And finally my own naughty little secret, a pair of the lacy, black thong panties I'd been denied for so long at Saint Sebastian's.
In the fitting room, I stripped bare and discarded my old uniform in a crumpled heap in one corner. Hopefully that was the last I'd ever see of it again. I took my time, luxuriating in the simple pleasure of putting on big-people clothes, admiring my new grown-up self in the mirror. Even my newly shortened hair didn't detract too much. At least it wasn't in pigtails anymore, I tried to reassure myself.
The initial euphoria didn't last long. I quickly found myself having trouble balancing wearing the heels, just from being out of practice for so long. And the thong I'd wanted so badly now felt... uncomfortable, the way it was stuck between my cheeks. The whole thing dampened my spirits. Surely I hadn't reverted that far! Was I really ready to become a big girl again? Could I really go through with this?
A sudden knock on the fitting room door startled me, and I stumbled about clumsily in the heels. "Do you need some help in there, miss?"
"Miss," she'd called me. Not "little miss" or "little girl" or "Keilani dear". Just "miss". Already I was making progress.
"Maika`i no au, I'm fine," I answered back. "Be out in a minute."
In the end I settled on just the pantyhose. With them I didn't really need underwear. Just as grown-up as the thong, and infinitely better than those awful smiling flowers. I vowed I'd take good care of these.
My schoolgirl saddle shoes, I ditched altogether. My feet were sore from being crammed into them all day. I decided I could walk around in socks until I found something better. I didn't want to go out and browse for a different pair of shoes, the clerk was probably already getting suspicious.
I opened the door a crack and peeked out, canvassing the store. There weren't any security cameras that I could see, and only the one saleswoman. I thought I might be able to get away with it.
Now you've GOT to believe me, I had every intention of paying for the outfit! But I had no money, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get any out of the bank looking like a preteen. Now that I was dressed properly, they'd take me seriously. And once I had cash, I could mail it to the store with an anonymous note explaining my situation.
*Sigh*, fucking best-laid plans...
The sales lady was helping someone else. It was now or never. My whole little body was trembling. I took a deep, unsteady breath in an effort to calm myself... and I BOLTED from that fitting room, between the racks of mu`u mu`us and straight out the door!
And I plowed SMACK, face-first into a uniformed police officer.
"Well, well, well," she said, grabbing the collar of my newly pilfered top so I couldn't escape. "Where do you think YOU'RE off to?"
Inwardly, I wailed in despair. Because we'd met before. It was the same officer who'd caught me naked on the beach the night I got fired! Janene, I remembered. And she did not look happy.
"Shoplifting's a serious offense, young lady," she told me. "Now are you gonna come quietly or do I have to use the cuffs?"
CUFFS?! `Ai kae, this was really serious! I'd never been in this much trouble before in my life! My thoughts immediately went to what my parents were going to say, and I fought back another bawling outburst.
"Yeah, we've been looking for you all day," Officer Janene explained as she drove the police cruiser, with me in the back. "They reported you missing a little after noon. That lady in the shop saw you acting suspicious, and she called us. Lucky me, I get the call to respond." Then: "What's your name, kid?"
I winced at that, and what I had to tell her next. My voice quavered. "Keilani. K-Keilani... Akana."
There was a thoughtful pause from her. "Now where have I heard that name before?"
I silently begged that she wouldn't remember me.
"Ah, that's right! You're the little nudist I picked up skinny-dipping on the beach a few months back! Tried to pass yourself off as an adult." She chuckled. "Looks like you're still trying. Even got yourself a haircut, I see. Aiā, you just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can you? Fortunately we have a place for problem girls like you..."
I know what you're thinking. But it wasn't back to Saint Sebastian's, at least not yet. It was worse.
No, I didn't end up in jail. Since Officer Janene believed I was a minor, I was taken instead to the juvenile detention center adjacent to the Kailua Police Station.
Yeah. She brought me to fucking JUVIE!
I sat at the admissions desk while she filled out some paperwork, feeling more shame and disgrace than any of my little-girl punishments had ever evoked. What was going to happen to me now? How long were they going to keep me here?
Then I had an even more horrifying thought: Officer Janene brought me here simply because, to her, I was a "youthful offender". If she somehow discovered my true age, I'd be tried as an adult and go to adult jail for sure! I'd end up carrying a criminal record for the rest of my life! And I realized, from this point forward, I now HAD to maintain this identity, to go along with being 12 years old! No more "I'm really 21," not EVER!
"You wanna call your parents?" Officer Janene looked up from her paperwork and asked me.
Yes, GOD YES, I wanted that more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. But I couldn't. I no longer had any idea where to reach them. So I just shook my head miserably.
"All right, I'll do it for you," she said. "What's their number?"
I couldn't even get the words out.
"Lemme guess, they're still 'on vacation', like before?"
I gave a pitiful nod.
Officer Janene shrugged. "All right," she said, clearly not believing me. "We'll figure out what to do with you."
She picked up a phone on the desk and dialed it.
"Yeah, Gail, it's Janene, I got another live one for you. Pretty sure she's the kolohe from Saint Seb's."
Oh God, "Gail". I was being handed off to Ms Whitmur from Social Services again!
"Yeah, Keilani Akana, that's her." Pause. "Yeah, I know it's late." Pause. "Yeah, we can hold her for tonight, and you can pick her up in the morning." Even though I wasn't privy to the call, I could sense the social worker's irritation on the other end. "No, she didn't try to pass herself off as an adult this time. Although I did catch her in the middle of playing dress-up." Pause. "I'll tell you later." Pause. "Yeah, I know that's like three I owe you. 'Night, Gail."
She hung up, and turned to me. "All right, hands against the wall and spread your legs."
"W-what?!" I could scarcely breathe.
"It's just a pat-down," she assured me. "Keeps everyone safe."
I obeyed, though my knees were so wobbly I could hardly stand. She felt carefully through my clothes, under my arms and down my sides, looking for weapons or drugs, I guessed. My ticklishness made me fidget and squirm at her touch.
I was so scared and shaking, and I must have lost control because the next thing I knew, I felt a stream of something hot and wet on the inside of my thighs, running down my legs, soaking the front and back of the stolen outfit I was still wearing.
Officer Janene pulled her hands away and gave a little sigh of annoyance and disgust. "Do we need to get you a diaper?"
`AI KAE, the humiliation was indescribable! Through my scrunched-up, tear-streaked face, I could only shake my head. I wanted to die right then and there, rather than endure another second of this!
"Well, let's get you cleaned up at least." She led me away from the admissions desk and to a small shower room. I knew I was a big girl, and could have and should have done it myself, but I let Officer Janene unbutton and remove the shirt I'd shoplifted, sniffling the entire time. She paused briefly to examine the small stack of bills I'd salvaged from the mailbox, then tucked them into a back pocket. I didn't dare demand them back. She peeled down my sodden slacks and pantyhose. I felt so disgusting and ashamed.
She nudged my naked little body under the showerhead. "All right, wash up and I'll get you something to wear to bed." Bed, meaning I was going to be spending the night locked up here.
I heard a lock click as she shut the door. It wasn't necessary, as I had nothing to wear and absolutely nowhere left to run off to anymore. I leaned my head against the tiled wall and let the streams of water mingle with my tears.
Janene returned shortly with a towel and dried me off. I didn't resist or tell her I could do it myself. What was the point? I was a helpless little baby who couldn't do anything on her own. And of course, now I was a little thief, too. A juvenile delinquent.
She helped me into a pair of plain white cotton underpants, a long white T-shirt that actually covered them, and a clean pair of socks. I was brought to a "room" -- it didn't have any bars and they didn't call it a "cell", but it did lock from the outside. It had a sink and toilet, a small bed, and nothing else.
Officer Janene told me there was a common room where the other juvenile offenders could watch TV, play games, or just sit and talk with each other. But I was too drained from the events of the day, and too afraid of running into another Suzanne Calloway among them, so I just stayed in my room by myself. There I spent the most sleepless night of my life, going over and over in my mind what a failure I was as an adult, that maybe I deserved to be treated like I was twelve.
The next morning I was still lying on the bed, awake, when the door unlocked and I heard another familiar but dreaded voice. "Good mooorning, Keilani dear."
I felt vaguely ill as Gail Whitmur stepped up beside the bed and looked down at me with stern eyes behind her librarian glasses.
"Let's get you dressed and back home," she said, getting straight to the point. I didn't for a moment associate "home" with going back to my parents' house.
Gail pulled me up into a sitting position and lifted the nightgown over my head. Then she began dressing me in a sickeningly familiar outfit: A sleeveless undershirt, white blouse, black saddle shoes, and a pleated skirt that was too short. My old orphanage uniform, rescued from the store where I'd dumped it. It seemed I would never be rid of the damn thing! Officer Janene had clearly confiscated my stolen adult clothes and probably either returned them or entered them into evidence, and I'd never see them again.
I didn't resist, or make any effort to dress myself. I just let Gail do it all for me. She was silent the entire trip back to Saint Sebastian's, but through the rearview mirror she kept a close eye on me in the the back seat. She said nothing about the change to my hair, evidently being familiar with that particular punishment of Sister Bernadette's. We passed through the gates, which one of the nuns shut and locked immediately behind us, I noted.
Ms. Whitmur undid my seatbelt and lifted me out of the car with both arms. Then she bent down on her knees, and gripped hold of my chin with one hand, holding my face so we were eye-to-eye.
"Keilani, dear," she said sternly. "You listen to me and listen well. The way you act, the things you do, they have serious consequences. Right now you're heading down a path, and I've seen it happen to lots of little girls your age. If you don't wise up, and learn how to behave, very soon... Then by the time you finally DO turn twenty-one, you're going to find yourself with a very screwed up, very unhappy life."
Yeah, thanks so much for the fucking heads-up, Ms Bitchmur.
Gail spoke briefly with Sister Bernadette, and I overheard the words "court date" mixed in. It ended with the consensus that Gail would call later and they'd discuss exactly what to do with me, then she got back in her car. Shoulders slumped, I turned to go back inside, but Sister's voice stopped me.
"W-what?" I murmured, almost a whisper.
"You KNOW what."
I dared myself to look up at her. She held the business end of her switch in one hand and was tapping it in her other.
I let out a long, high-pitched mewling whine.
"Up against the wall."
I did as I was told, hands against the brick faēade, my little ass pointed at the front gates I was sure I'd never pass through again. Sister flipped up my skirt and pulled down my panties as she'd done so many times before.
The switch ripped across my exposed cheeks with a WHACK that echoed around the orphanage ground. I bellowed in pain at the top of my lungs.
"The Seventh Commandment, Keilani. Recite it for me."
"W-what?" I could barely force the query out.
WHACK! Another agonizing flare across my rear, and another anguished yelp from me.
"The Seventh Commandment."
"Th-thou shalt not..." I struggled furiously to recollect. "S-steal!" as I suddenly realized where Sister was going with this.
WHACK! My little knees buckled. I prayed I wouldn't piss myself again.
"That's right. Stealing goes against pono, against the aloha spirit." WHACK! "It breeds distrust. It shames you and it shames your family." WHACK! "How do you think your parents are going to feel when they find out?" That very thought had been gnawing at me relentlessly, ever since Officer Janene picked me up.
Sister Bernadette gave the switch one last WHACK for good measure, and I collapsed to my knees and curled up in a fetal position, feeling utterly drained. My throat was sore and hoarse from screaming. I stayed like that until the Mother Superior lifted me up and directed me toward the doors.
Rubbing my sore behind, I trudged dejectedly inside... and was immediately confronted by Suzanne Calloway. I'd braced myself for some crowing remark about my failed escape and recapture, but she wasn't smirking. She didn't show any amusement about my latest spanking. Instead she looked pissed.
"Yew think yer awful clever runnin' off lahk that, don'cha, Kay-Lawny?" she sneered, albeit from slightly behind her bigger, stronger friend Makala. "Sisters was all set ta take us out th' other day, but then they hadta go lookin' fer YEW. Ah ain't had hardly NO tahm outsidea this here orph'nage since Ah got here, an' yew done ruined it fer ev'r'body! Ah'm gonna GIT yew fer this, Kay-Lawny."
Terrific. Just fucking terrific. As if the repercussions of my shoplifting and the mountains of unpaid bills weren't enough for me to constantly be worrying about.
The truly nauseating thing was, Suzanne was right! The huge mess I'd landed in, it was all because I didn't think things through. If only I'd waited until everyone else had left on their field trip, that would have been the perfect time to make my escape! There would have been fewer Sisters around, no Suzanne to rat me out to them, and probably more time before they discovered I was gone. All the other girls would have gotten their day out without me wrecking it. Instead I'd impulsively rushed off and done what I wanted right then, without thinking of anyone else.
Exactly like a KID, I know... You don't have to fucking say it.
Sister Ulalia took me back to my isolated room, put me back in diapers and feety pajamas, and lifted me into my crib. I buried my face in my pillow and bawled until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. And that's how I ended up feeling like a Moloka'i leper.
Exiled. None of the other girls want anything to do with me anymore. They all look at me with the same contempt that was once exclusive to Suzanne Calloway. Even my former friend Oliana gives me the stink eye.
Physically scarred. I can still feel the sting of the raw red welts across my tender little ass cheeks.
Incapable of resuming normal life. I don't need to explain that one, do I?
It's completely hopeless. The only thing that's ever going to get me out of here is my parents coming home. Someone reading this has got to work at a hotel, a casino, or another tourist spot, SOMETHING! Please, I'm fucking begging you, if you come across 'Enakai and Mai'li Akana, tell them what's happening to me!
(Copyright © March 2010 by ToddCheese.)