"Corporate accounting management, this is Stephanie Piper. How may I help you?"
"Hi, who's this?"
"Oh, you don't know me. But I know a little secret about you."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"I know you've been doctoring the company books, filtering tens of thousands into your own secret account."
"...I-I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't lie to me, Stephanie. I'm a smart guy, I can hear the crack in your voice. And besides, I have proof. You're cheating the stockholders, just like Enron and WorldCom. Maybe I should tell the VP. Newbower, I believe his name is?"
"All right, you coward. Why don't you come over and accuse me to my face?"
"Oh, I don't work in your office. I just got ahold of an old computer disk showing the real financial records. You really should be careful with what you throw out these days, Stephanie. Did you know identity theft is the FBI's number one--"
"Who the hell is this?!"
"I'm surprised anyone still uses disks anymore. There's really no need, with network file-sharing. Apple's already gotten rid of them, and you can bet PC's will follow event--"
"That's it, this conversation is over."
"Corporate accounting management, this is Stephanie Piper. How may I help you?"
"It's very rude to hang up on people, Stephanie. If you do it again I'll tell your VP about your little scheme. You'll get fired for sure. Blacklisted in the industry. No one will hire you. Your career will be over. Probably be some jail time in there, too. You saw what happened to Martha Stewart."
"What do you WANT?!"
"Not here. Too many other ears. You have a cell phone?"
"Of course I do."
"Give me the number for it."
"If you're lying to me, my next call will be to your boss."
"I'm not lying. That's the real number, I swear."
"You shouldn't swear, it shows a lack of character. But I believe you. Now take your cell and leave the office. Use the side entrance by the smoking area. You don't smoke, do you Stephanie?"
"Good, it's a very unhealthy habit. Talk to you soon."
"Hi Stephanie. What are you wearing?"
"Is there static on the line? You should have gone with Sprint. They have an all-digital PCS network, at least that's what the commercials say."
"What do you want with me?"
"I'd like a picture of who I'm talking to."
"Um... well, I'm 27... Kinda tall, I guess, about five-eleven. I have short, curly black hair and I wear glasses."
"Mmmm... I like glasses on a woman, it makes them look intellectual. The librarian or schoolteacher type. Very sexy."
"You dragged me out here so you could come on to me?"
"Go down to your left, to the back of the building."
"Because I said so. Or would you rather go talk to Mr Newbower about how you stole the company's money?"
"All right, I'm here. Just... please don't hurt me!"
"I promise you, I won't physically harm you. And unlike you, I'm honest. So you can trust me. Do you see the big green dumpster?"
"This is where all your office trash gets dumped when the night crew cleans. Look at it. Sliding top, no lock. Not very secure, is it? Anybody could come along and dig through it, couldn't they?"
"So that's how you got my disk?"
"That's right. I'm not at all above throwing myself into other people's filth."
"Look, I really don't have time for this. The entire company has a big staff meeting soon, and I'm supposed to be there."
"Well if you want this matter resolved, you'll just have to be late."
"All right, let's cut the crap. How much do you want to keep quiet?"
"Oh, I don't want any payment, Stephanie. If I took a bribe from you, I'd just be stealing your stolen money, which would make me just as bad as you. Instead, I want you to do some things for me."
"Things? Like what?"
"First go around to the front of your building, along the main street."
"All right, but let's make this fast."
"That's a very nice pantsuit, Stephanie. Navy with pinstripes. Lookin' sharp."
"Oh my God, you can see me from here?"
"Correctamundo. Look around, see if you can see me."
"Nope, cold. Colder. Not even close, Stephanie. Want a hint? Stand by the entrance to the alley where you first came out. Okay, now turn to your right. Good, now unzip your pants."
"Line going bad again, Stephanie? I see a zipper on the seat of your pants. Pull it down."
"So you're behind me! When I find you, you're gonna wish--"
"Ah-ah, Stephanie. Don't ever forget, I have your disk, addressed and ready to send to your manager. If you're uncooperative, my hand might just slip and drop it in the mailbox."
"No, not the mailbox on the corner, a different one. But you're quick on the uptake, I like that. It adds to the fun. I can see I'll have to be careful. Now. Unzip the back of those pants."
"Please... please don't do this to me!"
"I'm not doing anything to you. I'm just a voyeur, here to watch. To see. And right now, I want to see what kind of underwear you have on."
"Just stop this, leave me alone!"
"Okay. I just put the letter in the mailbox. We're done."
"You DIDN'T! Oh, God...!"
"Luckily it was just MY mailbox. Next time it will be the Post Office's, and I won't be able to take it back out. That shock of panic you felt just now, Stephanie, remember that feeling. If you don't want to experience a more permanent version of it, you'd best do as I ask."
"All r-right, I'll do it, I'll unzip them..."
"Good. Hold the phone down by your ass so I can hear. Slowly, now."
"GOD do I love that sound! Something about the zipper and its connotation with undressing, it tickles your ears, buzzes your sex drive with anticipation. Ooh, what do we have here? Stripes, I see. Pink on white, cute. And they go with your pantsuit. Are those undies cotton?"
"Please God... Please God..."
"I've always loved pattern undies on a woman. I think it goes back to Saturday mornings as a kid. Remember, how every time a cartoon character lost his pants, he'd be wearing undies with stripes, or hearts, or flowers, or polka-dots? It's the element of surprise, Stephanie, that provides the humor. Combine that with an attractive lady like yourself, it becomes a funny yet sexy treat, like unwrapping a present. Professional on the exterior, yet secretly so innocent, and I get to discover it! Just talking about it is turning me on. Too bad you hate me, I'd love to get together with you sometime, see you undressed up close. You have a boyfriend?"
"N-no... I'm always too busy, with work..."
"Shame. I'll bet you could easily get any guy you wanted. But yes, I can see how embezzlement could cut into one's social life."
"Okay, you got your pervert peek. Am I done now?"
"Not just yet, I have a few other things planned for you first. Go ahead and zip back up, but not all the way. Leave the zipper down a bit so the pants are loose. Okay, now I want you to just walk back and forth down the sidewalk. Keep your hands up away from your pants, and stay where I can see you."
"Those loose pants are going to fall down on you, and I want to watch it happen!"
"Why are you DOING this to me?!"
"Because it's fun. Okay, turn and walk this way, toward me. That's it. A bit faster. Play off your situation: You're a business lady who's late for a big, important meeting. But it's hard to move fast in those pesky heels. Click-clack-click-clack... But darn it all, you forgot something! So you have to turn around and hurry back to get it, click-clack-click-clack..."
"Oh noooo... I can feel them starting to slip!"
"No, keep your hands away, or you'll tug them back up involuntarily. Cross your arms, pretend it's cold out. Resist the urge to hold-- (*gasp!*) Ohhhh-h-h, YES! Whoosh, right to the ground, and there's the stripes! You have very sexy legs."
"Oh, God! Those people SAW me! And they're laughing!"
"HAHAHAAA, can you BLAME them?! That was GREAT, Stephanie! I'm getting so hard from watching you! Did you notice how your instincts just took over and you pulled your pants up as fast as you could? Classic."
"I'm so embarrassed..."
"I know! Your face is red, I can see it from here! Are your cheeks hot? Did your stomach lurch in horror when it happened? Tell me exactly how you felt, Stephanie."
"It... It was awful! I looked like a complete fool!"
"And you prayed no one recognized you, no one you'll see again, didn't you? Well, bad news for you, those people are going to get a lot more. See that homeless guy on the next corner?"
"He sits out there every day begging, to earn enough to eat maybe one decent meal. You walk right past him every day and never give him a dime, even though you could easily afford it from your ill-gotten gains."
"Okay, you're right! I'll go give him something now, is that what you want?"
"Precisely. Except for one tiny detail. First go back to the dumpster, in the alley."
"Because when you go up to him, you're going to do it naked."
"WHAT?!? NO! Absolutely not! You're out of your mind if you think I'll-- Everybody will SEE me! People from work!"
"No they won't. They're all in the big meeting, you said. Of course, other people are going to see you. The homeless guy, for instance."
"Th-that's just as bad! I don't want some creep leering at me, trying to TOUCH me. I won't do it!"
"Okay, I'll make you a deal. If you do this last thing for me, I'll give you back the incriminating disk."
"Yeah, right. You already made a copy of it!"
"Actually no, I haven't. And I won't, I swear before Almighty God himself. No copy, and no printouts. If I ever went to your boss, it would be your word against mine."
"So... I do this, and you leave me alone?"
"That's right, Stephanie. You'll be home free."
"Oh, Jesus... God help me... All right. Let's get this over with."
"Excellent, you're a real trooper. God I wish I had a line of sight back there, so I could watch you undress. But I don't, and I can't have you strip in public, it'll ruin everyone's surprise. So tell me everything as you're doing it."
"Um, okay... I took off my jacket and shoes, now I'm unbuttoning my blouse."
"Is your bra striped too, like your panties?"
"N-no... It's just a regular white one."
"Tsk-tsk, mismatched undies. Once again, your innocent little secret. And now mine."
"O-k-kay... I'm out of my pants."
"Good, showing those stripes again. Next the bra."
"Describe your breasts for me."
"I dunno, they're... my breasts. I dunno."
"Are they large? Small? Firm and perky?"
"A-about average I guess. I wear a 'C' cup. They kind of point up a bit."
"How big are your areolas? Quarter-sized? Half dollar?"
"Quarter, I guess."
"Isn't it interesting how guys always measure those by comparing them to coins? Money and sex, always together, that's what it's all about. Are your nipples sticking out?"
"You're lying to me again."
"All right, fine, YES, they are! Happy?"
"Delighted. And you're aroused, too. The unfamiliar excitement, you can't control it, and your mind may even deny it, but your body knows it on levels you're not even aware of. You kind of like this, don't you, Stephanie?"
"Shut up! I hate everything about it! And I hate YOU!"
"God, you have no idea how horny you're making me... I am totally jerking it right now, Stephanie."
"And you're naked... Right?"
"All RIGHT, yes, fine! I'm naked now! Can I at least keep my glasses? I need them to see."
"That's okay, Steph, I want you to see. I don't want you to miss a single amused look on the faces of the people staring at your naked body. Besides, I told you I like glasses on a woman. Ever watch Scooby-Doo? Everybody thinks Daphne was the pretty one, but I always had it bad for Velma. 'Jinkies!' Heh. What the heck are jinkies? Okay, leave your clothes there. Keep your phone though, I want to talk to you as you do it. And don't forget your purse."
"Don't dawdle, Stephanie, the show's about to start!"
"Oh shit. I can't believe I'm really doing this. Oh shit."
"Stay calm. Trust me, they'll be even more shocked than you are. Now come on out. My GOD you have a fabulous body. I should get a medal for this. Okay, deep breath, and go on three, okay?"
"One... Two... CRAP! Police car!"
"HAHAHAHAAAA, just kidding! Oh, MAN! You should have seen yourself! You were bouncing all over the place!"
"Okayokay, for real this time. One... Two... THREE! Aaaand she's off, in a spectacular jiggle-fest, God I just wanna spank that ass so bad. Just run, Stephanie, don't think about anything else. And don't try to get away from me. It's hard to disappear in a crowd when you're the only one naked."
"I can do this... I can do this..."
"My oh my would you look at all the people. In windows, doorways. Taking a peek. Look, that guy has a camcorder! Smile, Stephanie! God your face is red, just like a streetlight! Bet you're gonna stop traffic, too!"
"Oh God, people!"
"Hey girlfriend, nice outfit!"
"Holy shit, she's naked!"
"Wanna go out with me?"
"Oh Jesus shit God please tell me this isn't really happening..."
"Whoa, dude, look at that girl!"
"How's it going, Stephanie?"
"I-I'm at the corner, but the light's red!"
"Just relax. Deep breaths. Ah-ah, no covering with the purse!"
"What is she DOING?!"
"Who's she talking to?"
"Is everyone slowing down for a look at you?"
"Come on you stupid light... come ON..."
"Nice day for a walk, huh?"
"DAMN I wish I didn't have to miss part of this, but I've got to go drop off the disk. That was our deal."
"Ohh, thank GOD!"
"Whoa! Naked chick comin' through!"
"WHOO-WHEE! Lookit them titties bounce!"
"Mommy, that lady doesn't got any clothes on!"
"Are you there yet?"
"Yes! Yes, I'm here!"
"Okay, give him everything in your purse. Oh, and I noticed you kept your watch on, let him have that too."
"But... this is my Rolex!"
"No, it's HIS Rolex now. And any rings, earrings, necklaces, anything else you've got. All of it was bought with your dirty dishonest money, get rid of it."
"Hey, she's a natural brunette!"
"Quit staring at me you pervert! Here, just take it!"
"Heehee, I bet you're just making this guy's day!"
"Hey lady, if you're feelin' charitable, I know somethin' you could give ME!"
"Is this a dare? Am I on TV?"
"You ought to be ASHAMED of yourself, you tramp!"
"Okay, that's everything!"
"Good. C'mon back to the alley when you're done."
"Move! Don't TOUCH me!! Get out of my--"
"Anytime, anywhere, baby!"
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN' YOU STUPID CUNT!!"
"Oh God oh God oh God..."
"You did GREAT, Stephanie! It's such a strange and terrifying prospect, being nude in public--"
"Bye, naked lady!"
"Aww, come BACK!"
"--especially if you're forced into it with no time to prepare. But exhilirating at the same time, wasn't it?"
"God I love the modesty pose. The exhibitionist girls and porn stars, they can do the pose, they can fake the expression, but they can't capture the genuine embarrassment."
"God wants us all to be naked, you know, that's why he made us that way. 'And the man and the woman were naked, but they were not ashamed.' But that's no fun, is it, Stephanie? It's the shame, the damsel in distress, that's such a turn-on. Eve was the original ENF, after she ate that apple."
(*pant* *pant* *gasp*)
"You did it! I'm so proud! Look on the ground, right in front of you. There's the envelope. Go ahead, open it."
"See? Disk's inside, just like I promised. You CAN trust me."
"Thank you, God... All right, we're DONE, asshole, and don't EVER call me back!"
"You son of a-- motherfucking BASTARD! Where are my CLOTHES?!"
"Now, you never made me promise I wouldn't pilfer your pantsuit!"
"You rotten little piece of maggot SHIT--!"
"Oh, now that was uncalled for, Stephanie. Insults like that just hurt. You'd better apologize, or I'll make you do something worse."
"WORSE!? What the fuck could be worse than what I just went through?!"
"Obviously you're not as creative as me. I can think of a TON of things. I wasn't planning to leave you stuck there naked, much as the idea intrigues me. Look under the dumpster. There's a plastic bag there."
"Oh, you have GOT to be fucking KIDDING me!"
"I assure you, I'm not."
"But... I've got to get back to work! I can't wear THIS!"
"C-come on, it's getting close to lunch, everyone will be leaving the office soon! All my co-workers! They'll SEE me!!"
"Then you'd better hurry, hadn't you."
"Aww jeez. Are you okay?"
(*sob*) "What do YOU think, asshole?! Y-you drag me out here, you, you FORCE me to do these... these THINGS..." (*sob*)
"No one's forcing you do to anything, Stephanie. You've always had an alternative, right from the beginning. Everything you've done so far has been your choice. Don't blame me if things aren't going your way. If you'd been honest from the start you wouldn't be in this position now. All redemption requires some purging, some catharsis. This is yours."
"All right, tell you what. You do this one last thing, and I'll let you have your clothes back."
(*snf*) "You mean that? A-all of them?"
"All of them, I promise. Do you trust me, Stephanie?"
"Heh. (*snf*) I guess I don't have much choice." (*snf*)
"'Atta girl. Now come on, take a deep breath, dry your eyes, and get dressed. Cuz it's about showtime."
(*sighhhh*) "All right. I can do this... I can do this... Just one more time..."
"Leave the blouse up, tie it just under your chest."
"How's it coming? Dressed yet?"
(*sighhh*) "I guess you could call it that."
"Well? Come on out, let me see!"
"Oh my God, everybody from before is still out there waiting!"
"What did you expect? You're the girl of the hour, Stephanie, in your own little street performance. God DAMN do you look tasty."
(*WHOOOOO!*) (*cheeeeeer*) (*clapclapclapclap*) (*whistle*)
"Aww, shit, she's wearing clothes now!"
"You have a fan club now, Stephanie. Wave to your public!"
"WHOOOOO! FUCK YEAAAAAH!"
(*whimper*) "This is so degrading! Someone's going to recognize me for sure!"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. It's the clothes that make the man-- Well, you know what I mean. You're a whole different person now. I wouldn't recognize you as that sharp executive in the pantsuit, if I hadn't seen you in it earlier."
"Christ, I look like trailer-trash! These cutoffs actually show the bottom of my ass!"
"Take it off!"
"Wanna go out with me?"
"God, this is worse than being naked!"
"Really? How so?"
"Because, you can be naked unwillingly! But now they all think I dressed like some fuck-doll on purpose!"
"Very interesting insight, Stephanie."
"Wanna go out wi--"
"Shut UP, you little wank, she's not gonna go out with you!"
"Okay, go up to that bench."
"And sit down?"
"Not quite. I want you to lean over it and pull down your shorts. Show the crowd your sexy thong."
"Oh YEAH baby!"
"How can she just DO this?!"
"Well obviously she has no self-respect."
"You've probably never worn one before, am I right? How does it feel?"
"It's riding up my butt, it's awful!"
"God, you are such a WHORE!"
"Man I wish I could be that thong!"
"Twenty bucks if you give me a handjob, right now!"
"Speak up, Stephanie, I can't hear you over the peanut gallery."
"Hey man, check this shit out!"
"Yeoww! Hands OFF, asshole!"
"Heehee, sounds like the crowd wants in on the action. What say we do a little audience participation? Okay, here's what you do: Tell the people you've been a bad girl, and you need a spanking!"
"WHAT?! NO! Absolutely NOT! Forget it, you little punk-ass worm! There is NO WAY I'm going to let a crowd of strangers spank my ass--"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea, girlie!"
"Oooh, you ARE a bad girl!"
"But you like it, don'tcha, bitch?"
"Hey, don't bogart her!"
"Look how red her cheeks are! ... No, not THOSE cheeks!"
"Hmm. Well. Guess it's kind of out of my hands now, so to speak. You know, I always thought spanking was more about the degredation of the act. The pain is bad, but the knowledge that other people witness your humiliation is wo-OHHHHHH-H-H!"
"Aww, damn it, I just blew my load. Eh well. I guess we're done here, Stephanie. If you can get yourself out of that crowd. Your clothes are in the dumpster, I never took them."
"Actually I was surprised you didn't check first. You struck me as being smarter than that. But you're wiser now, right? And you've learned your lesson? About not stealing? You'd better watch yourself, or I'll be calling."
"Oh, and if you have caller ID, don't bother reporting me, this is a cash prepaid."
"C-corporate accounting management, this is Stephanie Piper. How may I help you?"
"Ms Piper, it's Dan Newbower. I need to see you in my office immediately."
"Y-yes, sir, I'll be right there."
"Please have a seat, Ms Piper."
"I'll get right to the point, Ms Piper. I just got a phone call from a gentleman, who had some very unsettling things to say about you--"
"All right, I admit it! For the past five months I've embezzled money from the company and put it in a secret account, but then this pervert found out and he was making me do all kinds of things or he'd tell, and I am SO SORRY, Mr Newbower, and I PROMISE I'll pay back EVERY CENT, I'll work nights, weekends, whatever you want...!" (*SOB*)
"Er... nnno, Ms Piper, actually this individual called to say he saw you running around outside our building in an... undressed state. And letting passers-by, erm, discipline you. I don't think I need to tell you that such actions are thoroughly unprofessional, and could wind up being very embarrassing for the company."
"Now, what's all this about embezzlement?"
(This story is Copyright © July 2004 by ToddCheese.)